(no subject)

[ravens_rising]

That meme brought back memories of old fandoms, and I ventured back to my old account and read some of the old stories that I'd written there. xD; Needless to say, that amused me. The writing itself was actually halfway decent- I wasn't sure whether to be proud that I wrote that well at, like, twelve, or horrified that I haven't improved that much since then. xDD;; On the other hand... SO improved with plot. Half-elves and Mary Sue and character/OC fics galore. Fail, Rae, fail. On the other hand, the stories were a whole lot longer than anything I've managed to spit out recently, so... D:

Now, on to serious things. My grandmother died last night- about two o'clock in the morning, I've been told. =/ I'm not upset... I knew it was coming... but just meh. Mom's really upset, as I knew she would be. I can't even imagine how Grandpa is... I ranted about how in denial he was about how bad her condition was when I was down therea week ago, but now I just feel bad about it. =/ Anyway, the funeral and service is this weekend, and so we'll be driving down Friday morning. Well, my dad, my brother, and I will be, mom is flying down tommorow to help with everything.

I'm going to try to make this not that whiney and insensitive, but I'll probably fail. I have a question. What have you guys done, like... before and after funerals? Mom says we're going to sit around my grandparent's house for like two/three days and have 'family time'. As in... sitting around all day. As in I've already been lecture on NO CELLPHONE NO MUSIC NO COMPUTERS EVER AT ALL.

I'm trying not to be whiney, but... that is so not my thing. At all. I don't understand it. That just... doesn't sound like any kind of help at all to me. But then, I'm not a people person. It's certainly not going to help me feel any better; probably just make me more pissy and upset. /fails at socializing

I mean, I'll do without complaint it because it'll probably make my grandfather feel better, but... I don't get it. *shrugs* Ah, whatever. I'll somehow manage to struggle through, heh. >____>

And somehow you guys will have to survive the weekend without my wonderful presense. :p

Comments

[cairnsy.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry hon. I know it isn't much, but my thoughts are really with you.

If, at any stage, the funeral process gets a bit too much for you, just quietly excuse yourself and say you need some time alone with your thoughts. Everyone grieves in their own way, so if the people thing doesn't work for you, don't try and force it. Others will understand.

My family goes the 'party' route when it comes to funerals. There is a lot of food, drink, music, laughter and memories before and after the ashes are scattered. It's one part celebration, one part family reunion. It works for us, but I can understand how it is is not for everyone.

[ravens-rising.livejournal.com]

Thanks. ♥ It does mean something.

I certainly hope so. I've never been to a funeral before, so I have no idea how this is going to go... =/

And lol, that'd be one thing. I could deal with that. The way my mother made it sound, and from what I know of my family... it's going to be more like a sit around the house and talk about old times and watch my mom and grandpa cry. A 'party' I could actually live with... at least that'd be happy-ish, and stuff would be going on... eh, I don't know. I guess I'll see how it goes. ^_^;;

[jamminbison.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that, hun! :[ My thoughts are with ya.

As for the question...yeah, I don't grieve like that either and while I understand the family thing, I'm going to be honest; I was all sorts of antsy at the wake/family thing before/after the burial and just wanted to go home and draw/go on the computer. Just withdraw where you can? Your grandmother would understand. I don't think I'd want people, personally, standing around just talking about me or something, more like doing awesome party shit. So it seems unfair to force you to grieve in a certain way...

*HUGS*

[personsama.livejournal.com]

*hug* You and your family will be in my prayers. :(

The last time I went to a funeral, I was about to be eight. My dad's mom had died. All I remember was it was right after New Year's (and my birthday's later in January, so), which is still the Christmas season for us. We walked back to my grandpa's house after Mass at night and it was snowing.

I understand why, but I can't explain it to you. :( Sorry. Just tough it out for a bit, try for around a half-hour, and then ask to be excused. It's what cairnsy said - everyone's different. *hug*

[theredqueen66.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother :(

The whole family time is almost like 'quiet' time where everybody likes to reflect. Unfortunately it doesn't really take into consideration people who are pretty much done grieving and want to move on. I've been in the same situation before, and it sucks :/

[kwansan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. It's a difficult time, but it's part of the circle of life, ne?

Like I said in my last comment, I kind of... don't do anything out of the ordinary before and after the services. I don't know if it's because it hasn't hit me or I'm in denial or whatever, but the only time I really show grief is at the funeral itself. I'm Chinese, so it's traditional for us to have a banquet after funeral services with certain kinds of food (that each have a symbolic meaning that I've pretty much forgotten by now) and that's the time we take to console each other and remember the deceased.

Taking time out to for family time, as you've called it, isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's kind of something I've never experienced. If I do any brooding, it's usually in the privacy of my own room and my own thoughts. We all deal with grief differently, so maybe your family will understand if you have to excuse yourself every now and then.

If ever you need anything, just let me know ♥

[cruelest-month.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss.

[bundamba.livejournal.com]

*hugs* too lol. I totally empathise with your situation. Back in March my uncle died. And while we were close, and I was upset, I felt more guilt than anything else. I felt guilty that I didn't grieve as much as my family and that I didn't show it like everyone else. I nearly went insane because we did a whole WEEK of the family thing. I could not escape :(
I'm very much a loner in these situations. and alcohol is my friend lol
I think you will find that there will be a chance for you to get away, give it a half hour or so then kinda wander away. Say you need some time alone to reflect on your thoughts or something.
Good luck, and know that even if you were expecting this to happen and you are not feeling upset right now, that your friends are here for you :)

[orange-fuu.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. You and your family are in my prayers. You'll all get through this together and remember not to mourn her death but celebrate her life ♥

[xushi.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry sweetie. I know what you're going through, seeing as how something like that never really does leave you.

When my grandma died we had her memorial service and we had a family lunch type thing. But that was it really. Cellphones, music, and computers were not allowed, which is understood, but I know it's tough. And it'll probably be harder because you have to attend family type events for two-three days.

*huggles*

PM me whenever you want if you feel like talking. Doesn't matter what time.

♥ ♥

[cmc42.livejournal.com]

*Cuddles you tightly*

As I recall with the funerals I've been to we had a buffet type thing at a hotel afterwards but that only lasted a few hours.

Then again funeral's over here can be ages after the actuall passing. :-/ (2 and a half weeks for my Papa's (Grandad) if remember rightly).

Anyway, hold in there love, I'll be waiting for you when you get back. ♥ *snuggles*

[babyluw.livejournal.com]

hum, when my grampa died - we'll most cried at the funeral but then when you're back home later, people seemed fine ya know. half of them admitted to have thought of whitch way the gead lay in the coffin xD

and just as cairnsy said, there was mostly talk about old memories and such, a lot of dirnking and laughing goin on ^^

as for before the funeral - well, I can't really say anything that would be normal there, you see, when grampa died it sort of came out that my mom had a brother... which she had never met and there was a lot of money problems goin' on ^^'

[pony-rocks.livejournal.com]

My deepest sympathy, Rae...

[nannete.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear your bad news. Just in case these help:

1) Take a couple of recipes with you. You can excuse yourself when things get too much/awkward/boring and bake something. I know not everyone gets much out of being in the kitchen, but it gives you time out and concentrates the mind. Plus the smell of baking normally lifts other people's spirits, which might be useful. Then you can bring the cakes/biscuits/whatever in for the family to share. They'll be grateful, and it'll fill people's mouths for a while, which either stops depressing talk or fills awkward silences with a good excuse :) [If you need foolproof recipes, do send me an email!]

2) Excuse yourself regularly to make a pot of tea/coffee/strongly laced punch. Same reasons as above, but you can do it more often. Plus it increases your excuses for toilet breaks.

3) For less grief-stricken moments, bring along some old photos. Concentrate on the fun times.
They don't have to include your grandma; it'll probably help grandpa to see that times can be good even without her (however horrid that sounds). It'll help the grieving process, fill the time, and you might even enjoy it ;)

*big hugs* Hope that's some help!

[daigranon.livejournal.com]

--HUG-- I'm so sorry about your grandma. May she rest in peace.

[shynishyshallow.livejournal.com]

Ahh, I'm so sorry! /hugs/

But I musr agree with you on the three day family time. I think everyone deals with grief different way and that should be expected, though I'm not sure I'm the one to talk, since I've never lost anyone close to me.

[laifan.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry hun *hugs*

I have no idea, I never went to any funerals despite having lost important people to me and I probably never go to one. I think they're the worst thing ever. So is that sitting around having a 'family time' or whatever. It's not a family time. It will only make the pain worse in my opinion.

Anyways that's just my opinion, don't want to make this worse for you. Good luck with it all hun.

[margerydaw-s2.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, darling.

Sometimes we have to do what others expect us to , as to avoid complications. I haven't ever been to a funeral, so I can't help much.

Nuuuuuh, how am I supposed to survive?

[kateison.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but my best wishes to all your family -hug- You guys are in my prayers ♥

As for the family time thing, I agree with everyone else in the taking breaks and asking for time by yourself. I really like nannete's suggestions -- they sound super helpful c:

[spikykun.livejournal.com]

Damn, I'm sorry. *wraps arms around you and strokes your white-white hair*

Well, since I'm Jewish the whole sitting around thing lasts for a whole WEEK, but I don't last that long. As for the funeral, well. I've, er, a problem with graveyards. I kinda completely lost my shit once, so I'm excused from spending more time than the absolute necessary in that place. But I've digressed.
Everyone here seems to know about these things more than I allow myself to think about, so I'm just gonna point at all the comments, say I'm sorry for your loss, I love you, and you'll get your texts, and and and D: *continues to play with your hair*

[misumisu84.livejournal.com]

*hugs tightly* Before the funeral? I didn't eat much, just in case. And bring lots of tissue, just in case.

I hate that you're not allowed any entertainment. Mourning is hard enough without having an outlet. Try to bring a book, or smuggle some music with you?

After the funeral, I was a mess, so I just went to bed.

[horusguard76.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for your loss dear. *hugs*

Well, I have to a number of funerals... just think yourself away. If things get too much get a bit of fresh air. No one will begrudge you that.

In any case, wear something comfortable, you will be stuck with it or rather in it all day.

I was usually always entertained by meeting family members you usually only see once a year or in some cases even less.

[captainrosie.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's terrible ♥

When it comes to funerals, our family pretty much treats them like any other family party - lots of drink, food and swapping stupid stories. But it's different for everyone, y'know, and if you don't feel like going the way your family is, ask to excuse yourself after like an hour? I'm sure they'd understand if you said you needed time on your own :)

[muhi-kira.livejournal.com]

My deepest condolences to you and your family
When my dad's mom passed away i also go to my grandma funeral for first 3 days, computer and music was prohibited but for cellphone is okay

i think the culture between you and me almost same

[muhi-kira.livejournal.com]

My deepest condolences to you and your family
When my dad's mom passed away i also go to my grandma funeral for first 3 days, computer and music was prohibited but for cellphone is okay

i think the culture between you and me almost same

[muha.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm really sorry to hear this, hun! Death sucks! :/

I think funerals are nice in a way. They're memorials and you get together with the family and remember the deceased person. I'm not familiar with the funeral traditions in other countries, but first there's the church part, after that the burial and after that socializing with food while telling stories. At my uncle's... second funeral we mused about if he had had a second wife.

Funerals are usually held a few weeks after the person's death here, which is probably late compared to other countries. Most people have probably done most of their grieving by then, I tend to mourn constantly for a couple of days, and then I'm suddenly fine.

I hope the family time/gathering won't be too bad. I'm sure your family understands if you want some alone-time.

And what did we do after my grandma's funeral? We went to IKEA in our funeral clothes (I inherited my grandma's black little partydress from the 50's-60's? and it's now part of my funeral outfit, I see it as a tribute) and did some shopping because we're Swedish. And somewhat morbid. Or both.

If you need to talk you know where to find me! ♥

[zoelyn.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that. *hugs*

Hmm about funerals...we also had family meeting, where we ate, talked and just were together. But being there for days is a bit weird to me. And i absolutely understand you, as i'm also not very social person.

[nendo-chan.livejournal.com]

*holds*

I'm sorry, bb.

[kohaku-shuurai.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear this...
My sympathies and regards.